My parents don’t like the person I like

Posted by Simran

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There is a general conflict between the two generations when it comes to marriage. Both may be meaning well for the other, but a certain kind of explained and unexplained friction may exist.  Many a times, your choice won’t go well with your parents and vice versa.

This is a common grouse of persons seeking to get married that their selection or choice is not favored by their parents. What is it that parents are seeking in their son-in law or daughter-in-law? After all they also want your ultimate happiness. In India, caste and religion still play a deciding role in marriages. Parents belonging to older generations are not very comfortable with the idea of inter-caste marriages. They have their own reservations regarding cultural differences, language barriers and food habits. They may not be entirely wrong. Agreed, love is an all important factor for a relationship to thrive, but we ought to understand that love alone cannot justify a marriage based on different planes.

You may like somebody as a spouse for specific reasons best understood to you.. You may choose a life partner because you share the same profession, you work together, you have studied together or you share the same hobbies, passion or dreams. Or for one plain and simple reason: You are hopelessly in love and can’t imagine life without the other. Whatever the case is, it is not necessary that your parents will support your choice. They have seen the world, they would have a different angle to every aspect.

If you are a girl seeking to get married, your parents’ first and foremost wish would be to get you married to a guy who is well settled and financially well off. No matter how much you are earning, how well placed you are, they will always want you to marry to a financially stable guy. For some parents, financial security tops the list of priorities. Naturally, you may not agree with such view point. In your age and times, you will not feel the threat of financial insecurity.

If you are a guy looking for a wife, your parents would want that no matter how educated or professionally well placed the girl is, she should be able to cook well and keep her house. This will ensure that you are taken care of properly.

. It is often seen that inter caste marriages are more successful because both the parties really work hard at keeping each other’s families happy and contented. Earlier friction is totally erased by the hard work and positive intent of both parties making everybody comfortable and happy.

You cannot ignore your parents’ predicament and you cannot sacrifice your choice either. You have to respect their experience and reason with them. Talk to them; make them meet the person of your choice over a considerable period of time. Spending quality time together always helps to understand each other’s’ point of view. You should gently persuade them to see things from you point of view. Nothing can be gained by getting aggressive or rude with your parents. Things will only turn uglier and there will be a permanent negativity lurking in the back ground. You must also try to look at things from their angle; you cannot ignore the fact that they have more experience than you. Our only advice would be that you can sort all your differences through open dialogue, peaceful yet assertive. It won’t take long for your choice to become their choice and you will be a happy bunch of two families enjoying life together.

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